Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Darwin Lives !

Ok... So we all know the story of the first pet fish I took into the dispatch center, right? the pressure was just too great and he commuted suicide on day one..... Not surprised, dispatch can be a stressful environment... Especially with all the politics.
So a few days later, my wife went and got me another to replace him.... Maybe she got the one that came with Prozac ?
My ops partner and I decided we would wait a few days to name him... You know... Preliminary suicide watch and all.
Low and behold, not only did he adapt to the pressure of Dispatch, but also has quite the personality ! True story....a FISH with a personality! Who woulda thought ?
ladies and gentlemen..... Introducing.... Darwin

This fish is so strange... He actually greets me every morning when I get in to my office... Always waiting by the edge of the bowl as if to say hi... I'm pretty sure I saw him wag his tail the other day...

Darwin even comes when I call him... No joke... And will always come right up to the glass and turn sideways so I can "pet" him... I rub on the glass where he is floating and he stays there til I stop... How freaky! Strangest thing ever.....

And after reading this... I have realized... I really need a vacation! LOL

Smile often-

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Thursday, December 10, 2009

Tazer PSA


Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately y on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.. ..?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor... A three second burst would be considered conservative?
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
P.s.... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

- @EngineMedic

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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

WTF...monday again???

So the morning starts out well enough, get outta bed early, no rushing to get ready for work. Weather is descent so I get to ride the motorcycle in, which is always a good way to start the day.
Almost to work and a major lightning show starts in the black sky... But I make it in before any rain hits... Bonus!
Then I get into my office to prepare for the morning staff meeting with the fire chief. First thing I do after stripping off the jacket and putting away my helmet is go over to check on the yet unamed fish.
Now where the heck could he be hiding, it's a bowl for Christ's sake. Then I find him... Lying on the floor, directly below his new bowl. Wow... Less than 24 hrs and this place got to him....
How is it that I was able to pick the only suicidal fish out of the lot ??? I mean, c'mon... That's my luck lol
Well... If you believe in omens.. This set the stage for the rest of the day... All right on course for disaster....

Guess I need to go get another fish... But you can bet there will be a psych eval this time....

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Monday, October 19, 2009

Last football games of the season

The Knob Noster Panthers had the last two middle school

football games tonight... Both the 7th and 8th grade teams finished the season with a victory! WTG PANTHERS!!
Now I get a couple weeks off of being "cheer Dad" until basketball fires up.... Brooke made both squads this year... Not surprising, she's been cheering since she was 4... And even though I may be a little biased... she's really good....

Better be for as much as she drives us all nuts doing cheers around the house 24/7

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The new mascot

Added a new buddy to my office today... Now just need to figure out a name for him.

Let me tell you... If you ever want to REALLY piss off a fish... A motorcyle ride at 0630 in the morning will definately do the trick :-)

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Sunday pretending to be Monday ?

So yesterday actually turned out to be a really nice day, so I decided to take advantage of it and get some more of the trim painted on the house (I've only been working on painting the house since late spring !!!)  Haven't touched it since I had my shoulder surgery.. yesterday I just decided enough was enough.
Got all the supplies out, set the ladder up, loaded my roller and off I went.  Turning all that stripped down wood into a nice dark blue.  Got all the trim on the back of the hose done, only the sides left to do now.

Proud of my accomplishment for the after-noon, put the ladder away, rescued the antenna to my scanner from under the back deck.. and headed to start cleaning up.  All was good, right ? ........ then it happened... stepped on a board hidden in an over-grown vine.. a board I had thought had been disposed of months ago... a board that I had removed from a window while doing some maintenance... a board that still had the nails in it !!

Yes... I sent a nail right up through the bottom of my shoe (which is why bunker boots have steel shanks), through the bottom of my little toe and right out the side.  Took forever to get the board detached from my foot.

So what do I do?  Well, what any smart guy with medical knowledge would do... I hobbled up the stairs of the deck, feeling my shoe fill with blood, and immediately set to cleaning up my painting supplies and tending to the leftover paint and can.  Logical, right ?

Once everything was pretty much stowed away again, my darling wife, laughing at me the entire time, set to patching me up.  A little neosporin and a bandaid and all was good again... LOL

Oh God, here we go...

Now I'm loose on the web.. there should be laws about that.

Well, here's the obligatory boring stuff.... I am an Air Force Firefighter and EMT.  I Joined the AF in April of '90 and graduated the fire academy in July of the same year.  My first assignment was RAF Lakenheath, UK (about 70 miles north of London.  While there, went to school and became an EMT at the beginning of '91. I work part time on one of the city Ambulance companies, and in 2007 decided to go to Medic school.  Class is done, has been for a while, now just have to finish my clinicals.. which has been a massive challenge since I receive very little support from the Air Force in this endeavor... I guess it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't a 2-hour drive to the hospital I have to go to to do the clinicals.  You see, for the most part, the Air Force does not utilize Paramedics in their fire and ambulance service... so I am a little bit of an oddity.

I am also (again) the Director of the 911 Center and Fire/EMS Dispatch (cops do their own dispatching).  This is the second time I have run this center, and have built and ran 2 others.  One thing bout the Air Force... you gain a plethora of different skill sets.  Yes, I am also a Dispatcher too.

Away from the job(s) there's much of that... I try to spend time with my wife and kids.  I have a son (10) and Daughter (13) still at home and my oldest Daughter (19) goes to school about 10 minutes from home.  My oldest is now also a Dispatcher for the County.

I have several hobbies that I try to squeeze in when I can.  I love to play guitar, am an avid bowler and youth bowling coach and am completely addicted to my insaine friends on Twitter (you know who you are).  I also love to get out on my Motorcycle and just ride.. doesn't matter where... my wife calls that my therapy sessions.

I am originally from Colorado, but being an Army Brat, traveled all over.  I moved to Germany when I was 14 and stayed there until I enlisted in the Air Force at 19.  I have been Stationed in England, Germany and the US and made trips to Saudi (Khobar Towers) (Al Kharj), UAE, Kyrgyzstan (Manas) etc.

Enough for now...

Hopefully it will get more exciting as we go